Everything you have always wanted to, and should never ask someone you just met, but were too nosy to hold back

I think the title says it all. Without further ado, here are the top offending/offensive questions desis seem to think their God-given right to ask someone they just met five minutes ago, but shouldn’t. Under no circumstances. Ever.

Possible justifications and suggested answers provided in bold blue.

  1. How much do you make? Unless you work for the IRS, and are auditing this person, or a loan officer at the bank, or a prospective bride.
  2. Are you married? While this is okay to ask, it’s a minefield for follow-ups. Stop if the answer is no, if it means stuffing your mouth with that second samosa, and resist from following it up with more drilling.
  3. Why aren’t you married? I am waiting for you to ask that question so I can start thinking about my loser life.
  4. If divorced, why did you divorce? Wait, didn’t I invite you to the courtroom during the ugly legal proceedings? I am so sorry, don’t know how I missed you.
  5. Why don’t you have kids? (If answer to #2 is yes). My partner and I are seeing the doc next week. Would you care to join us for the appointment?
  6. How much did you pay for your …(house, car, shoes, that bag of popcorn,…ok you get the drift). This one particularly rankles me every time I witness it, and you see them squirm—the askee, not the asker. Seriously people, get to know someone for a few years before you step into this, and even then it may not be okay.
  7. Is that real gold/diamond/platinum you’re wearing? Followed by—here it comes: how much did you pay? Nope, my fiancé likes to give me flashy $10 bling. Side note: my children frown on me using the bling word. More on that in another post.
  8. Does your daughter/son have a boyfriend/girlfriend? Why, are you starting a new ABCD matchmaking website?
  9. Never ask someone about their health issues. Leave it to them to share or not.
  10. What is your child’s SAT score? Depends on what your kid scored. You want to go first?
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